Aftermath
by mmichaela
Summary: The dust settles after Aunt Evelyn's whirlwind visit to Heartland.


As Evelyn's taxi pulled further away from the ranch Lisa slipped her hand into Jacks and they strolled back to the porch and settled into the chair, where they had been when her taxi had arrived only a few days before.

"Well that wasn't _exactly_ how I expected that visit to go." Lisa said, breaking the silence.

Jack chuckled, "No, me neither."

"I'm sor-," Lisa began, but Jack interrupted her before she could finish.

"Lisa, no. You don't have anything to apologise for."

"Maybe not, but all the same…" Lisa shrugged, she couldn't help but feel guilty that about Evelyn's behaviour.

"I do want to apologise though."

Lisa turned to face him in confusion, "What on earth for?"

"Something Evelyn said," He paused, "Lisa, if we've ever made you feel like _just_ a babysitter I hope you know that that's not how _any_ of us see you."

"Oh Jack, don't worry about it, that has never been the case. I don't have kids of my own, but nothing makes me happier than being able to be there for your family, _our_ family."

Lisa found she couldn't adequately put into words how much contentment the life she had found with Jack brought her. Meeting his eyes, she made an attempt, "I'm not sure did I ever fully think through the idea of having a family before I married Dan. I mean, growing up I presume I wanted children, but I married Dan in a whirlwind and things were going downhill before the subject even entered either of our minds. So _here,_ with you, I've found something I thought I'd missed my chance at a long time ago."

She trailed off there, breaking eye contact and instead stared into her lap where she held one of Jack's hands in both of hers. The conversation had stirred up memories she usually pushed away. Now that they had been brought to the surface however, it felt dishonest not to share them. She opened her mouth to speak but found herself at a loss for words. The silence stretched on and she could feel Jack's gaze on her, curious.

"There was," she inhaled, wringing Jack's hand in hers a little before continuing, "There was a time when I seriously considered adopting."

She felt Jack react to her statement next to her, but he remained silent, allowing her to continue in her own time.

"I, uh, I never said it at the time but back when Georgie first came to Heartland and you were trying to make it long term-that brought up some old, buried feelings for me, feelings I had tried to forget for a long time. I don't know, I think on some level, I was almost _jealous,_ I guess, because there you were doing it and it made me think I _could_ have but didn't." she shook her head, "Why didn't I?"

"Lis-,"

"No," she stopped him there, knowing where it was going, "No, that was just me being ridiculous and I decided years ago I wasn't going to live with regret, and I don't. I meant what I said before, this is my life and I'm happy; I have you and I'm lucky enough to have your family now too. I just wanted to apologise really, I know I wasn't entirely supportive of your decision about Georgie at the time, but I was caught off guard-you hadn't even told me about it yourself. Maybe we weren't in the best of places at the time either. My heart just wasn't in it I guess."

There was silence for a moment and Lisa could almost hear the gears in Jack's mind whirring.

Eventually he broke the silence, "You never told me you considered adoption."

She nodded, "Mm-hmm, it was a long time ago. I never told anyone, not even Evelyn. I came really close to it too, even spoke to a few expecting mothers, but in the end… I couldn't do it."

"What changed your mind?"

"I don't know, fear? I was newly divorced, running Fairfield as it grew and trying to make a business partnership with my ex-husband work," she chuckled darkly at that, "I was afraid I wouldn't be able to give a child the life they deserved, that I wouldn't be _present_ enough. Ultimately, though, I think I was afraid I wouldn't make a good mother, that motherhood wasn't for me."

She smiled then, an almost bitter smile and Jack could tell her thoughts were a million miles away.

He pulled her closer, "I don't think you need me to tell you now that you would have made an incredible mother. Really, you have been for years now, to Lou and Amy, Georgie and Katie." He tilted her chin upwards with his forefinger, "We're lucky to have you."

Lisa smiled, "No," she shook her head, "No, I'm the lucky one."

"I'm serious Lis," He kissed her gently, "I don't know what I'd do without you. What any of us would do without you."

Lisa felt tears welling up behind her eyes as Jack's looked earnestly into hers.

"Thank you. Really, thank you." The words came out choked up.

"I love you."

Lisa smiled, dropping her head into the crook of his neck, "I love you too."


End file.
